


An Ocean Away

by MissReylo



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Domestic Violence, F/F, F/M, Homophobia, Past Child Abuse, Period-Typical Homophobia, Reader Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-06-13
Packaged: 2018-10-26 09:14:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10783878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissReylo/pseuds/MissReylo
Summary: Behind the wigs and powders Angelica is an interesting woman.





	1. Chapter 1

1779

‘Can you imagine!’ Your governess, Mrs. Bell, exclaimed from her seat next to the window. She was fanning herself, this summer night was a hot one. ‘All those young rich men. Oh, how I wish to be young again. But you Y/N, you must find a man tonight. If you wear that purple dress tonight and for once keep your mouth closed you might be asked to be courted!’  
‘I’m not feeling well.’ You said. That was a lie. You had never felt better, but you really didn’t want to go to a ball tonight. A whole night of just shaking hands and men whispering compliments to you that they didn’t mean wasn’t very appealing to you.  
‘I don’t care if you’re dying, Y/N! And Dolly, will you please hurry up with that wig?’ Mrs. Bell complained. Dolly, the maid, didn’t respond. She was busy trying to keep the big gray powdered wig on your head. It itched horrible and your skin still needed to be powdered until your summer’s tan was unnoticeable. And then the corsets and skirts…  
‘Oh, I heard Mr. Jefferson’s coming!’ Mrs. Bell said, closing the window.   
You sighed. Your governess, ordered by your cold mother, was to find a good match for you. Mrs. Bell had heard of Mr. Jefferson, whom had been described as a handsome, confident and rich man. So before every ball where Mr. Jefferson could possibly show up Mrs. Bell moaned endlessly about him.   
Like hell you were going to become Mrs. Jefferson. You had heard enough of your dear friend Lizzy. He was an arrogant wild man with no manners.  
‘I am not interested in mister Jefferson.’ You said, groaning when a pin hurt your scalp.  
‘Well, who are you interested in then?’ Mrs. Bell argued.  
‘In nobody, Mrs. Bell.’  
‘Unbelievable.’

The ball was crowded by young men, uniformed or not, and ladies in gowns big enough to knock over a table. The wigs of the ladies blocked your view a lot and already three men had stepped on your toes.  
‘Oh, Miss L/N!’ A woman you didn’t recognize called your name. She was older, her hair in a bonnet. She was probably as old as your mother.   
‘Pardon me, ma’am, but may I ask who you are?’ You asked, playing with a curl from your wig.  
‘I’m Mrs. Schuyler, a dear friend of your mother. Tell me, love, how is she?’ She pulled you to the corner of the ball room and you almost bumped into a servant.  
‘She is well, thank you for asking, Mrs. Schuyler. How is your family?’ You asked politely, remembering Mrs. Bell’s shrill voice telling you how to behave as a lady.  
‘Everyone is in good health.’ Mrs. Schuyler answered. ‘Oh, there she is! Y/N L/N, meet Angelica Schuyler, my oldest daughter.’  
You met the piercing gaze of a tall woman in a big peach gown. Mrs. Schuyler saw someone she recognized and wandered off. Angelica was a beauty. She was truly the belle of the ball in her big gown with flowers on them. Her skin was powdered, just like you, but you could see a little bit of her dark skin around her bare arms. She had even a bigger wig and you could imagine the headache.   
‘Ah, the oldest of the L/N family. I heard much of you.’ Angelica said in a cold tone.  
‘Good things, I hope, Ms. Schuyler.’ You said, knowing where this was going.  
‘Well, what good is to say of a family such as yours.’ Angelica said, her voice sharp. ‘A family of gold diggers and traitors. I hope you are not like them, Miss L/N, because if that is the case, I have to admit of despising you.’  
‘Ms. Schuyler, if you are hoping I will say that I am not like them, you are not in luck tonight,’ you fired back, ‘I am loyal to my family and am proud to say that I am exactly like them.’   
She was silent for a moment. ‘Good. I admire your loyalty. But still I despise you.’


	2. Chapter 2

Half a year later

You almost didn’t recognize Angelica Schuyler without her wig and powder. She looked like any other women, well you could see she came from a rich family, but she didn’t look so immortal in a simple lavender dress with a shawl against the cold. She had dark curls that she kept pinned back and honestly looked much better than those gray powdered curls.  
‘Angelica Schuyler!’ Mrs. Schuyler yelled, walking after her daughter. It caused quite a scene and a lot of people turned around to look at the two. You were hidden behind a stall at the market, wondering what was going on.  
‘Leave me alone, mother!’ Angelica spat, pushing her mother’s arm of her elbow.   
‘I did not raise you like this.’ Mrs. Schuyler hissed. ‘But fine, have it your way. Walk around here like you’re some peasant. See if I care!’  
‘Like you ever cared about me. All you ever seem to care about is marrying me and Eliza and Peggy off. I feel better around the maids than you!’  
You gasped when Mrs. Schuyler slapped Angelica hard across her cheek and then marched off. You stepped away from the stall and walked over to her.  
‘Are you all right, Miss Schuyler?’ You asked, softly touching her red cheek.   
‘I’m fine.’ She said, pushing your hand away. ‘Miss L/N, wasn’t it?’  
‘Correct.’ You answered. ‘The girl you despise.’  
‘Well, I’m afraid there is someone else I despise more at the moment.’ She said softly and she looked so… human. ‘My mother wants to marry me off. To a man I hate.’  
‘Who is it?’ You asked.  
‘It does not matter. I don’t love him, but I never expected to marry a man I loved, miss L/N. He is a cruel man. Not only ugly in his looks but also in his manners. He never has a positive word to say and has quite a temper.’ She complained.  
‘I understand how you feel.’ You said and took off your glove. An ring was on your ring finger, shining in the blinding sun.   
‘You are… married?’ She asked. ‘I did not know, Miss L/N.’  
‘It’s Mrs. Madison now.’ You said. ‘James is not a cruel man, he doesn’t beat me and treats me very gracefully. But I do not love him. And I never will. The wedding day was the hardest day of my life.’  
‘Your family is very rich.’ Angelica said. ‘Like I said, gold diggers and traitors, but rich. Why couldn’t you marry for love?’  
‘Miss Schuyler, can I trust you with something that is to be kept secret?’ You asked softly. Her eyes softened and she nodded.  
‘My family isn’t rich anymore. My parents died a month ago and my uncle used all the money. It wasn’t long until I would have to live on the streets with my dearest siblings and sell my body for the money to eat! But a distant aunt managed to arrange a marriage between me and Mr. Madison. And now I can sleep at night, knowing my siblings are provided for. And if that makes me a gold digger, so be it. As long as they are safe.’  
She softly put your glove back on and kissed it. ‘I was wrong, Mrs. Madison. I don’t despise you. I admire you.’  
With that she left.   
‘Ah, there you are!’ James said, having finally found you and put a hand on your waist. ‘Let’s go home, love. Who were you talking to?’


	3. Chapter 3

1780, A Winter´s Ball

James kissed your powdered cheek and left to get you a drink. You were at a ball at the Schuyler´s home and surprisingly you and James had been invited. Elizabeth and Margaret Schuyler had already greeted you and politely wished you well but Angelica had avoided you. She was the belle of the ball, every man was there to compliment her and spin her around the ball room.   
James was back and handed you your drink. You smiled at him and took a sip.  
´Have you heard from your sister, darling?´ James asked. You shook your head.  
´No, but her ship is probably still on sea.´ You said. ´Thank you, James, for sending her to France. She will have so many opportunities there.´  
´Only the best for my family.´ James said and you laughed at him. Inside you felt sick. You felt bad for only marrying James for his money. But it was for the best, right? And you liked him. You wouldn´t love him like he loved you, but you were a dutiful wife. There was even a chance you might already be pregnant. and you kept the house tidy and didn´t argue with his decisions. Everything a man would wish for, you thought sadly.  
´Mr and Mrs. Madison.´ You looked up. It was Angelica, her lips curled up.   
´Miss Schuyler, a pleasure to see you in good health.´ James said politely and kissed her gloved hand. ´How are you tonight, lovely lady?´  
´I am well, Mr. Madison, thank you for asking. I was wondering if I could steal your wife for a moment?´ Angelica asked charmingly. She knew exactly how to palm a man in, you realized.  
´Off course, Y/N, love?´   
You stood up, straightening your skirt and took Angelica´s arm.   
When you were away from the table Angelica put her hands on your elbows.   
´Y/N, I need your help.´ She said. ´I have seen a man... his eyes are... indescribable. I need to talk to him. You are married, would you please introduce him to me?´  
You pursed your lips. ´Who?´  
She pointed at a soldier standing in a group of other soldiers. He laughed. Sure, he was charming. His eyes were fiery, his dark hair in a ponytail that revealed his handsome face. His grin was one of a man who knew that he had gotten where he wanted to be.  
´Angelica, I don´t...´  
´Please.´ She begged. ´I need to talk to him... I don´t know why!´  
You swallowed and turned around to go to the mystery man. As a married woman you could approach any man without it being viewed as scandalous. But the man was already coming over to the two of you and Angelica stiffened.  
´Oh, I don´t think that my help will be needed, Angelica.´ You said and with a smile you let go of her and hurried away to leave them be. On your way to James you almost bumped into Elizabeth Schuyler who looked longingly at the man Angelica was now talking with. You arched your eyebrow. The man had not only caught the attention of one Schuyler Sister, but two!

James spun you around the room and you noticed some unmarried woman looking longingly at you like you were a goal to be achieved. Off course, you looked perfect. Young, just married, with a handsome husband and money. In a lovely dress and your husband adoringly holding you you were everything they wanted in life.  
So they wanted something hollow, something unreal. Something that could be shattered easily.  
You saw Angelica hurrying to the door, holding back tears. You kissed James cheek, whispering in his ear.  
´James, I need to talk to Miss Schuyler. She appears to be distraught.´ You said softly.   
He smiled at you proudly. ´Off course, honey. You´re such a good woman, to look out for your friends that way.´  
You wanted to correct him, Angelica was hardly a friend. She called you a gold digger and you weren´t exactly well on good terms with her. But still, that face. That face of grief. She needed someone to tell her everything was going to be better. You looked at the soldier man who was now dancing with Elizabeth who looked like she had never been happier.   
Oh god.  
James and you walked off the dance floor and you hurried after Angelica. You eventually found her on the staircase, tears streaming down her powdered cheeks. You grabbed her hand and squeezed it.  
´Do you want to talk?´  
´The conversation only lasted two minutes, maybe three minutes, Y/N. And I immediately knew he was the one. Everything we said was in total agreement! He´s a bit of a flirt, but I wanted to give him a chance, you know.´  
You nodded.  
´But then I turned around and I saw Eliza´s face. She was just so... helpless. And I realized three truths.´  
´What are they?´ You asked. Her dark eyes locked with yours.  
´I´m the oldest. I need to get the money in. I´m no better than you, Y/N. I have no brothers, I´m the one who was to social climb for one.´ She gasped for air after all the crying. You rubbed her back.   
´He´s after me because I´m a Schuyler sister. He´s a gold digger too.´ She admitted to you. ´And I know my sister like my own mind. She´s such an angel, Y/N. I have yet to meet a kinder person. If I would tell her that I loved him, she would say: I´m fine. But she would be lying.´  
´So, you´re just going to... let it happen?´ You asked, wiping a hot tear away from her cheek.  
`What else am I to do?´ She asked. ´I can´t break her heart.´  
You frowned. Then you embraced her, suddenly. At first she stiffened and then she hugged you back. She was warm in your arms and you saw a dark curl peaking out under her wig on her neck. You wanted to touch that curl, to play with it. And maybe take off her wig, to see all her hair and comb it. And then kiss those dark lips of hers, to shut her up.  
You let go of her immediately, gasping for air when you realized what was happening.  
´Good Lord.´ You swallowed. ´I... have to return to the ball room...´  
She nodded at you feverishly and you hurried away, almost tripping over your skirts.  
She was a woman, for God´s sake. A woman. A sister in Christ. You couldn´t feel love for her, you couldn´t lust after her. You just couldn´t. You were a woman and married. That was it. There was no way you were ever going to kiss those lips.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. No, I'm not. MUAHAHAHAHA

When you were twelve years old, a young girl, a good friend of your mother had traveled overseas to come visit the family. She had brought her daughter with her, Irena. Irena was just a year older than you and wore her dark hair loose, like a wild girl. While your siblings played outside she loved to sit in the library with you. She would read out of the book for you and you would listen to her soft voice. Your mother always read a chapter of a book before you went to sleep, but when Irena read for you it was like she sang. The words just streamed out of her mouth like a waterfall, taking you with it, away from this life. And you loved it. You realized some people were meant to be more than just mortal humans. They were hymns, poems. They were works of art. Irene was a painting you could stare at for hours, you thought.  
She kissed you the night before she left. It was your first kiss and it was chaste, just two girls trying to find out how to press their lips together. You bumped noses and laughed softly. You knew you could never tell your mother. It wasn't right, to love another girl. You were supposed to fall in love with a charming man who would whisk you away from this life like a prince.   
Only you wanted a princess.  
Irene never came again and your mother forbade you to write her. She and her friend had an argument and she didn't want you to be in contact with such 'people'. You cried at night, thinking about her. 

Now, older and wiser, you thought back to that. It hadn't happened again. Irena was the only girl you had fallen in love with. You had prayed and prayed, you had married a man, you were possibly pregnant, you had thought you wouldn't fall in love again with a woman. That you would want to wrap your arms around a lady's waist and pepper her nose, mouth and cheeks with soft kisses!   
'Are you all right, Mrs. Madison?' You looked up to the maid, Rose. A young thing, she was. New in town and she had been looking for work. She was a good girl. Her cleaning skills weren't the best, but she was nice and didn't steal. She had never told you why she was here or how long she would stay. A mysterious woman.  
'Yes, I'm fine, thank you Rose. I was just thinking. What can I do for you?' You asked, standing up from your seat in font of the window.  
'Well, there's a Miss Schuyler here to see you, ma'am.' She said. You smiled at the blonde.   
'Thank you, Rose. I'll find her downstairs.'  
'Uhm, ma'am, can I ask for a favor?' You turned around, surprised.  
'What is it?'  
'Well, could I perhaps get tonight off instead of Wednesday night, ma'am?' She asked. 'My... husband is in town and...'  
You laughed loudly. 'Off course, Rose. Is he a nice man?'  
'He's a doctor.' Rose smiled. 'And a kind man. I'm lucky.'  
'Yes, you are, Rose.' You said and left the maid to go downstairs. You were willing to bet all your money that it was Angelica there. Eliza and Peggy didn't even know you lived here. But why would Angelica come here?   
A tall woman with a big hat that hid her face stood in the big hall. She was carrying a suitcase.  
'Hello?' You asked and the woman took of her hat. You looked into the dazzling eyes of Angelica.  
'Y/N.' She sighed. 'I have the right house.  
You hurried down the last steps of the stairs. Normally you would greet women with three kisses, a Dutch habit, and men would kiss your hand. You had learned that as a little girl from your mother. A true lady was a good hostess. But you didn't want to touch Angelica. You were afraid skin touch would make the fire inside you burn even brighter.   
'What brings you here, Angelica?' You asked stiffly.  
'I'm going to elope.' She said simply. 'And I need your veil.'  
'Excuse me?' You sputtered.   
She dropped her suitcase. 'John Church. I'll be Mrs. Church tomorrow, Y/N, and I need a veil. It hasn't been a long time since you've been a blushing bride yourself, please, can I borrow the veil?'  
You swallowed. 'Off course. Do you want some tea?'  
'I'll throw up if I eat or drink something, Y/N. The nerves, I can't breathe properly.' She leaned against the wall. You decided to ignore your rule about not touching Angelica and put an arm around her waist and helped her to stumble towards the sitting room. You sat her down on the couch.  
'Do you love him?' You asked her while you waved some fresh air towards her.  
'I don't know.' She gasped. 'I really don't know, Y/N.'  
'Do you wish it was Mr. Hamilton?' You asked. She almost sat in your lap now, you shivered.  
'If Eliza didn't exist, maybe. But then I wouldn't have such a lovely sister. I don't know... I don't know. But I need to marry somebody.' She said. Her head dropped on your shoulder. She looked so vulnerable. 'I'm a pitiful excuse for a lady.'  
'Screw being a lady, you're a woman. You have feelings, you're more than the doll the world wants you to be. More than the dutiful housewife who raises the kids. Oh, Angelica.' You whispered.  
'Why was I born a woman. Why were you?' She asked. 'Why are we born in this world, only to be called weak for what's between our legs. Why are we constricted in skirts and wigs?'   
You sighed. 'I don't know.'  
'I could be so much more. I could do so much more. If only I had been born as Angelo Schuyler, Y/N.' Angelica sighed. 'Don't you want me to be a man?'  
You swallowed thickly. 'No.'  
Her lips curled up, her face so close now.   
'I know.' She whispered, her breath hot on your skin. She leaned forward. Time stopped and you could hear the beating of your heart. Her lips met you in a wonderful dance, it was so much more than with Irena. It was passionate, lips against lips, teeth clacking against each other, moans, hands trying to hold on to each other. It was so much more, everything you had ever wanted.  
But like always, everything you wanted in your life had to be ruined.

Someone standing in the door opening coughed.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cliffhanger from last chapter, guys. I know, they are horrible. But so nice to write.... Anyways, enjoy this chapter and don't forget to leave a comment or kudos. They are appreciated and keep me going when I feel like this story is a pile of shit! 
> 
> Warnings: Homophobia, Domestic Abuse

You and Angelica both jumped apart and you wiped her lip balm from your lips. You couldn't look in James eyes, your cheeks were painted red from fear and shame.   
'Mr. Madison.' Angelica said, her voice shaking. A tear pricked in the corner of your eye. Angelica would be just like Irene, she would leave.  
'Miss Schuyler, I think it's best that you leave.' James said, his voice cold.   
Angelica stood up, your fingers touched hers briefly and the touch was electric. You didn't meet her eyes and she walked out of the room, her heels clacking on the floor. The door closed.  
'How could you.' James hissed. 'How COULD you.'  
You didn't say anything, just looked at the floor with tears blurring your view. Your hands were shaking.  
'She's a woman! You know, Y/N, I always knew you didn't really love me!' James yelled. 'I'm not stupid! I know that you wouldn't be my wife if it wasn't for my goddamned money, but this...'  
You looked up at his cold dark eyes. 'I love her.'  
'It's not natural.' He growled. 'Not right. You're a sinner. God hates you.'  
'Everyone is a sinner.' You whispered. 'And He's a God of love.'  
'He doesn't love people who kiss women. It's horrendous. You're a monster, a freak of nature, Y/N.' James said. 'But that's something God will punish you for. Now, I'm your husband. And you cheated on me.'  
He grabbed your arm and roughly pulled you off the couch. His hand flew in the air and landed roughly on your cheek. You winced, holding back the cry from pain. You had learnt to bite your tongue and deal with the blows from your family. Not that you had been hit a lot. Your siblings were. And you had watched. At first, as little kids, they would cry. Scream for help, to stop it. And then when they were older, silent and obedient. Perfectly trained to receive the punishment they deserved.  
Slap. You deserved it. Slap. He was your husband, he could do this. Slap. You deserved it. Slap.

Angelica walked away from the house, the hat almost blocking her view. She knew that if she would turn around she could see through the window and know what was happening. But she didn't. She breathed shakily. A wife would be beaten. A bride would be married without a veil. A world had been destroyed.

\----------------------------------  
5 years later  
\----------------------------------

'Mrs. Church!'   
Angelica looked up from her book. She was sitting outside of her house. A young girl, all dressed up in big skirts, with her hair pulled back in a bonnet, stood next to Angelica's rocking chair.  
'Who are you?' Angelica asked. 'Who let you in, girl?'  
'The woman did. My papa and mama and younger brother are also here, Mrs. Church.' The girl babbled. Angelica stroked some locks of brown hair away from the girls forehead.  
'Ah, so my husband invited you?' Angelica asked. The girl nodded.  
'Yah.'  
'You say, yes ma'am.' Angelica reprimanded.   
'Yes, ma'am.' The girl murmured. Her big eyes found Angelica's. 'My mommy was crying this morning, ma'am.'  
'Oh, why?' Angelica asked, uninterested. She wasn't very fond of children and if her husband had invited some people, then he should handle them, not she.  
'She cries because she doesn't want to meet you, ma'am.' The girl whispered. 'Why?'  
'What's your name?' Angelica asked worriedly.  
'Annebelle Greta Madison, Mrs. Church.' The girl said, her voice soft as honey.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh dear, I am so sorry for not posting anytime sooner. I was so busy working on my novel and other life stuff. I know... I know, the standard excuse, but at least my novel is almost finished. :) I promise to update more frequently from now! Lot's of love, Mi.

Angelica hurried into the house, her skirt causing her to almost trip. She cursed the horrible dress she had to wear because she was supposed to be a decent lady. Well, she thought, how decent would people think she was if they found out she had kissed a woman and liked it more than kissing her husband?  
Anabelle, Y/N's daughter, followed Angelica. Y/N, Angelica's former almost lover. It had been quite complicated. Angelica had tried to forget about the fascinating lady of the L/N family. One of the only ladies Angelica had ever met that had been so smart and witty, but also so beautiful. Angelica was not a fool, she knew that she could never be with Y/N. But in her dreams she would imagine a better life, a life where she and Y/N could marry. Two women, hand in hand, promising each other they would always be together. Y/N in her dress and her veil, her smile lighting up the whole room.  
Angelica hated and loved that dream at the same time.   
Maybe one day in a better future women would be able to get married. One day love between two women wouldn't be considered shameful, Angelica hoped. Someday it would be celebrated. But she doubted she would see that.  
'John!' Angelica yelled. Where was that wicked husband of hers? Had he invited Y/N and James Madison without telling her? Off course he wouldn't have known, that Angelica had loved Y/N. But still...  
'Oh, there she is, my beautiful wife. Angelica Church.'   
Angelica stood in the door opening of the sitting room. Her husband looked at her with that adoring look in his eyes. It hurt. There next to John. Y/N Madison. She was older, longer hair. She looked tired. Her eyes dull. Hands laced together on her big belly. Another baby, wrapped in blankets, laid on the chair. James had his arm around Y/N's waist, smiling like a gentleman at Angelica.  
Angelica knew who he was. What he had done to Y/N.  
'Mr. Madison. Mrs. Madison. Please forgive me, I wasn't aware that there were visitors! John, my dear, you didn't tell me.' Angelica easily slipped into the role of the wife. The stupid silly wife without a brain who smiled.   
'Oh, Angelica, I apologize,' John said, 'I didn't think.'  
Off course you didn't, Angelica thought bitterly.  
'Angelica,' James said, 'oh, you look beautiful.'  
'Thank you, James,' Angelica said, walking over to Y/N, politely shaking Y/N's gloved hands.  
'Mrs. Madison, you are expecting. Congratulations!' Angelica said, smiling. She looked into Y/N's E/C eyes. James looked at Y/N, a warning in his eyes.  
'Thank you, Mrs. Church. I see you have met my dear daughter, Anabelle,' Y/N said, putting her hand on her daughter's bonnet.  
'Do you have children, Mrs. Church?' James asked. Angelica bit on her lip.  
'Not yet, Mr. Madison.' 

\------------------------------------------

Tea was brought and Angelica saw how Annabelle sat down. She was very good mannered. A perfect little girl. The good Madison girl. Married off to a rich man. Y/N cradled her other child who had started crying. She looked horrible. Y/N had changed so much, Angelica thought sadly. She had turned into the woman Angelica had always known she would become. But Angelica stupidly thought that Y/N would be strong enough... Well who was Angelica kidding, she herself was well onto her way to become the dutiful wife. Like hell, she was already one!   
'Y/N, if she doesn't stop crying just give her a slap. That'll help.' James advised. Angelica bit on the inside of her cheek to stop herself from yelling at James. That horrible man. She never really liked James Madison that much, but ever since he had seen them kissing... Was he still punishing Y/N for that incident.  
'Excuse me, I will walk around a bit with her,' Y/N said, standing up. Angelica also stood up.  
'I will walk with you, Mrs. Madison. A pregnant lady should never been left alone without a companion to look out for her and her unborn child,' Angelica said softly. She knew that neither James or John would be able to argue with that logic. So Angelica offered her arm to Y/N and they left the room together.  
In silence they walked through the halls of the house.  
'Aren't you going to say anything?' Angelica finally asked.  
'You were an ocean away.' Y/ N murmured. 'You were an ocean away, Angelica.'  
'I missed you.' Angelica whispered. 'I'm so sorry. I should have protected you.'  
'Protected me from a punishment I deserved, no, Angelica, never. We cannot do this. I...'  
'Say you don't have feelings for me and I'll leave. I'll leave you alone, Y/N. Just tell me.' Angelica said harshly.  
Y/N looked into Angelica's warm brown eyes.  
'I don't have any feelings for you, Mrs. Church.'  
With that she walked away, skirts waving from left to right. The baby was still wailing and Angelica was left behind.  
Her heart broken in two.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hope everybody's having a good day!

'Mommy, I'm hungry.'   
You turned around to see your daughter Anabelle. You were still cradling your baby daughter who had finally fallen asleep.  
'But the cookies you ate with the tea...' you started.  
Annabelle frowned. 'We're disgusting, mama. When are we going home?'  
Crackling thunder frightened both you and Annabelle. Luckily the baby slept through it. You sighed.  
'I don't think anytime soon, An.'

\----------------------------------------------------

'Well, isn't it nice of the Church family to let us stay?' James asked his wife.   
Y/N was exhausted. The baby was sleeping in the cradle and Y/N had changed into her nightgown with the help of a red haired maiden Angelica had sent. She caressed her tummy. This baby was coming soon. Y/N didn't know if she would be able to handle another child. She was busy with her newborn and Annabelle and another baby... But there was nothing she could do. Off course she could have asked James for some governesses or other women to help her raise her children, but Y/N was firmly against it. Her former governess, Mrs. Bell, was a woman Y/N hadn't liked. She had wanted her mother, but Y/N's mother had been a woman who was more than happy to just do embroidery with her rich friends. She had never liked Y/N or her other children. They were just nuisances to her. She had more than enough money for a governess for every child and so she did. Y/N didn't want to do that to her darling children.   
'Hmm.' Y/N answered and laid down on the bed.   
'How was it to see that Angelica again?' James asked softly, stroking Y/N's hair.  
'She still loves me, but I don't, James. I promise. I told her that and I walked away.' Y/N rushed to reassure her husband that she had been nothing but faithful.  
James smiled. 'My darling wife, I'm proud of you. Once again you have resisted the Devil's temptation.'  
Y/N rubbed her eyes and yawned. 'Can we sleep, James I'm so tired.'  
James blew out the candle and also got in bed. Y/N slept in James' arms and slept easily. Her dreams were filled with Angelica, only Angelica. Tall beautiful Angelica with her curls that had a life of their own. Angelica's adoring smile and those brilliant eyes. Angelica's hand playing with Y/N's locks. Angelica's warm lips presses against Y/N's. Her soft moans.  
Y/N woke up sweating and her whole body buzzing with arousal. It was the middle of the night and Y/N looked at James who was still asleep. Slowly she pushed James arms away and crept out of bed. The floor creaked a little bit but Y/N managed not to wake James. In her white long nightgown she tip toed through the halls until she bumped into someone.

Angelica. Also in her nightgown, but shorter. Showing her long athletic legs.

'Y/N!' Angelica gasped.  
'Ang...' Y/N said breathlessly and pulling Angelica to her. 'I'm sorry.'  
'For what?' Angelica asked, pressed against the wall by Y/N, her former lover.  
'For lying. I do have feelings for you.' Y/N whispered into Angelica's ear. 'Can I kiss you?'  
'Do you even have to ask?' Angelica giggled and pulled Y/N closer until their lips touched. Y/N moaned, she had missed kissing those lips. While their other kisses had been mostly sweet, this one was violent and filled with only lust. There was nothing loving about this battle of teeth and lips! Their gasps and murmurs were their battle cries. It was a fight, but a fight Y/N had been craving for years.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End! It's finally done and I hope y'all enjoyed it! I'll post a new fanfiction ASAP, but I just got news that my grandmother has been brought to the hospital so things will get a little bit hectic so not too soon! Please leave a kudos or reviews, they make my day! 
> 
> And I'm still not satisfied about this. Ugh.  
> (no pun intended you minxs)  
> AC/N means actress' name

2014 

Lin Manuel Miranda had thought this song would be easy. But after a week of no sleep because he just couldn't find the right words he knew he had been wrong. This song was just horrible. He had written horrible songs before but this one.... no... this one was killing him. He just couldn't get Y/N L/N right. She was an interesting woman but he could not find much about her. There was only one letter from her to Angelica, her lover, but nothing more. And a painting he had finally found of the pretty L/N girl. He sighed. She looked very regal in that painting, sitting in a chair, a big wig of white curls on her head. And her eyes, shining. She was happy. Five years after she had left her husband in the middle of the night, her children with her.   
Off to France around midnight, probably still smelling with Angelica's perfume. Y/N came from the L/N family who had connections everywhere. Especially in the Netherlands. She had crossed the ocean, a dangerous journey, but she had gotten there. She traveled around Europe, wrote one letter to Angelica and raised her children like a real independent woman. Lin loved her. He was fascinated by this woman who was so much ahead of her time. But this song he was writing: 'An Ocean Away', it was just shit.  
It was meant to be a duet between Angelica and Y/N, missing each other and longing for each others love. But now it was crap.  
'Take a break, Lin,' Lin's wife came in, carrying a cup of coffee.  
'I can't!' Lin exclaimed. 'I have to get this right!'  
'Are you still losing your sanity about that song of L/N and Schuyler?' Vanessa asked.   
'Yes!' Lin groaned. 'I just can't do it...'  
'But they saw each other again, right?' Vanessa asked, kissing the top of her husband's head. 'Angelica went to France and saw Y/N again? Why don't you write about their reunion instead of them longing for each other?'

\----------------------------------

'No, it's not right!' Lin sighed. He was sitting on a chair, watching Renee and the new actress sing 'An Ocean Away'. It was getting better but not as good as it should be.  
'Renee, sing that last bit again?' Lin asked. Renee nodded, playing with her hair in her ponytail.  
'Ok, here it comes,' she said. She sung the last bit, singing the sentence: 'But you were an Ocean away and now you are here in my arms again!' as good as she could. Lin bit his lip.  
'Better.'

\----------------------------------

Opening night. Lin Manuel was filled with nerves. The first half had gone great but now he had to sit backstage and watch Renee and AC/N perform. They were phenomenal, they blew everyone away with their beautiful song. Lin even saw someone in the front row tear up. No she was crying now. Lin smiled softly. It was always great to see someone so touched by his work. AC/N and Renee kissed each other softly and then the lights went out. Lin jumped out. Time for his song.

The whole night was full of excitement and it was kind of a blur. Lin had to shake so much hands and laugh at jokes it made his head spin. Bright lights everywhere, but Lin couldn't have been prouder. But then suddenly he saw the girl again. The girl who had teared up at 'An Ocean Away'. She smiled at him, her eyes still glassy.   
'You're Mr. Miranda?' She asked.  
'Yep.' He said. 'Nice to meet you.'  
'I'm Cassandra. Cassandra L/N. Y/N L/N was a great great grandmother from me or something. Probably some more.' She said. 'Thank you. For showing the world how great she was.'  
Lin was speechless. '  
'I'm getting married to my girlfriend soon.' Cassandra said. 'Y/N L/N would have been proud. And happy there is a future where women can be together.'  
Lin shook her hand. 'Congratulations, Cassandra.'  
'Goodbye Mr. Miranda. Thank you.' Cassandra whispered and walked away. Her curls bounced on her shoulders. Lin smiled softly, tears in his eyes. He had made a difference. He had made someone happy.

'No, thank you, Cassandra L/N.'


End file.
